Laugh with us, cry with us, and learn about AUTISM!

Friday, 30 November 2012

Never Being Able to Let Your Guard Down

The hardest thing for me is not being able to let my guard down.  Just when things seem to be improving and I start to feel more confident - BOOM!  Something happens to lower your hopes.

For example, this has been a pretty good week.  Mostly good days, no major meltdowns, a few tantrums, lots of Josie spending time alone...  Nothing too big.  Pretty decent week.  Yesterday, not so great, but not too bad, tough going because Sofia is also teething.  Whatever.  

Then today is going great.  Everybody is on their best behaviour, Josie decided to use the potty all day, Sofia actually took a nap...  Life was feeling pretty damn good.  Then, out of nowhere, a HUGE meltdown.  Like, we're talking an hour or so.  Nothing I could do to comfort her, nothing could make it stop.  She didn't want me near her, didn't want to be hugged, just had a complete meltdown.  

Finally, after she stopped...  She was so withdrawn.  She refused to make eye contact (which hasn't been a problem for a long time, and she always made SOME eye contact.)  She wasn't talking, or babbling, or communicating.  I couldn't engage her, she was staring off in to space...  It's like she's on her own planet, and deaf.

Then, after a while, she curls up on the floor at my feet and goes to sleep.  (Surrounded by her ducks of course.)

It is enough to break your heart.  The complete withdrawal is a million times worse than the meltdown itself.  It has been so long since I've seen her go to this magnitude.

I feel like I'm always on the lookout, I can't relax, I never know when it's going to hit again.  I can never let my guard down, and when I do...  Look what happens.


  1. Kim,
    I have been following your blog and a lot of the things you talk about just wants to break my heart. However, with every new post I am so over whelmed with your dedication. You are extremely inspiring and I love that you are writing about your experiences. Even though my children don't show any signs of the difficulties you are facing with Josie, because of your blog I know exactly what I should be watching for. Maybe not so much with Ryan or Emma now that they are older and there personalities are more developed, but with Makenna and any other children we are blessed with. Thank you for that. I wish you continued Good Luck with Josie's development and I know that with your loving, guiding hand she is going to triumph in this life where she will undoubtedly face many obstacles. I truly believe that she already overcame her biggest hurdle when she was blessed with you and Kevin for her parents.

    1. Thank you! You brought tears to my eyes (and the good kind of tears!) I always appreciate knowing that somebody is reading and learning. Your kind words come on a day that I really needed them! Thanks again!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...